Mess

I started to write a blog post last night, and then I started to cry.  Sometimes it’s the tears I wasn't expecting that I need to pay attention to.
I cried because I am happy.  I cried because I have Tucker and Tolliver.  I cried because I do not have Celia.  Because we are not a family of five.  Because we may never have been, were she well.  I cried because I am overwhelmed by the blessings of my boys, and because I miss her.
It certainly was not the first time I thought about my children and trickled tears of anything but joy.  They are siblings on separate roads, paths that split the day she died.
Last night I let the tears come, hopeful that the crying jag would burn itself out.  Grief, though, has astonishing staying power.
It's hard to squeeze large sentiments into tidy posts.
I can, however, squeeze two little boys as long as they'll let me.

 

JEB